Firstly, why buy a horse that isnt worth that ridiculous price and then give up on it cos it throws you off? like...twice. It needs exercise! and it needs to go out. You need to fit around his needs not just your own. You need to be positive about this, you are never going to find a horse thats perfect, so why say your going to sell him? You havnt even tried. To get a horse fit and better you need to spend TIME with it, give it fuss and execise it, not just do it when you fancy cos your social lifes more important or you just cant be bothered cos it doesnt do what you want it to do. Makes me angry, I have spent years working with Ralph and look at where its got me, He's the best I could ever get him! and the only horse I could ever ask for. But you don't see it like that, you don't love your horse or any of your previous horse for that matter, Milo loved me and my mum more than you! Because we showed that we cared!
11o'clock+ is a stupid time to be doing your horse in the morning, its not fair for him to be stood in his own shit with no hay for more than 10 hours. He also needs rutine for gods sake, horses like to know whats going on. Blimey Im glad my mum brought me up well. You think your all experienced and shit, but to be honest your no where near. Nether am I but Im the one with the common sense.
Why cant it be like the old times? At one point I thought you actually loved having Milo but that all went to shit, anyway I used to enjoy our laughs and stuff not just with you but your mum aswell, you two used to spend toomuch time round mine but I didnt care! Your family, but ever since Dad told you off for raising your voice in our own house you havnt bothered apologising or even stepping foot in the bloody place. I want you two to stop being so weird and face up to reality, your not right all the time you have to accept that. You were the only close family I had, I have built this back up and yet you still dont bother talking to your own sister, who didnt do anything wrong in the first place and in fact was right all the way through that when your were wrong. This is all unessesary, Im nothing to do with this yet Im stuck in the middle. Nan wouldnt of wanted this and I certainly dont want this anymore.
You know what It feels like everyone around me are drifting away, to be honest I knew it would happen and Ive tried to keep it together but at every angle it fails. and you know what I dont care. Who needs anyone when you've got yourself, your horse and parents. I hate being picked up and dropped when conveiniant, just cos you've "moved on", obviously.
Im sorry but I'm sick of college breaks, I know Im hardly there but Its so boring, No one talks. They just want to work. In a break!!!!!!!! I know not everyone can see it like I do, and thats probably for the best as things probably would never get done..but Its called having a laugh? with 'friends'??? Chilling?
It occurs to me that our 'close' group of friends is infact not very close. Its true.
The only thing that kept us together was school. Fact.
I miss the old old days...
But theres no going back. As per usual, as we've already found out with Ashleigh.
I was so Naive.
Until I can get out of this circle of nothingness Im just going to have to put up with this.
I want to see my yard girls :( whatever the weather theres always a laugh to be had, a ride to be ridden and a bitch to be bitched about, thats how we role and I feel normal doing that. We just dont do it enough and It seems silly, the amount of time we all spend up there yet we hardly talk anymore, like a group.
Ive changed I know, I love being how I am now rather than the old shy me.
If it wanst for Sam I wouldnt of come out of that stupid little bubble of mine,
I may complain about him, (as I look at negatives more than positives) but he has been there whenever I needed him, and to be honest he should never have a bad word said about him, as a person he is pretty genuine. I needn't forget this.
There. I should really write this in a diary instead of posting this on the fucking internet but these days who cares. End of.
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